My Miracle

Miracles can be big or small
Anyone who knows me might know that I love to iron. I especially love to iron shirts and pillow cases, and think I'm really good at it. To me, I love the smell and feel of crisply ironed pillow cases. Why is ironing a miracle? Because for five years I didn't have the ability (or the energy) to iron and now I do. Yesterday, for the first time in five years, I ironed my pillow cases. To some people it may seem like no big deal, and to others they might say, "Ironing? Yuck!" But the fact that I can once again do something I love is truly a miracle to me.

Miracles happen every day
Do people not acknowledge miracles as such because they don't want to be arrogant? Why is it arrogant to say that you experienced a miracle? Perhaps some people don't want to say the word 'miracle' because they think miracles no longer happen. According to the dictionary a miracle is 'a marvel; wonder', and that exactly defines my ironing experience yesterday.

Notice the wonderful things experienced
I'm sure that everyone has a miracle happen to them every day. Some miracles are big, but many are small. Perhaps the phrase, "Stop and smell the roses" means, "Stop and notice miracles". Maybe a miracle comes from seeing the good instead of the bad (the doughnut not the hole).

Miracles and Gratitude go together
When I experience something wonderful, I'm so grateful! The fact that I could iron yesterday is wonderful and I'm extremely thankful. I'm glad when I get to do or learn things, and, if I give credit where it's due, some of those things are miracles.

Jade's Ironed Pillow Cases

 

How A Person Should Be Treated

Everyone is equal
When a person becomes handicapped they stop being "normal". Some normal people tend to think the handicapped person doesn't know anything or they're at the bottom of the barrel. In my case, before I became handicapped I was the Young Women's President at church, as well as had many skills and knew several things. Just because I'm handicapped doesn't mean that my personality changed, nor does it mean that I forgot all my skills and don't have any knowledge. No! I'm the same person on the inside although I'm different on the outside.

I don't want to be disregarded to do some things that "normal" people do just because I have a handicap. I'll say something if it's too much for me, but I can do some things and say, "Please, let me try!" I strive to improve myself even though I have a handicap. I've always wanted to become more and truly believe that having a handicap has taught me many things about myself; things that could only be learned through having my challenge. I totally believe that I don't stop improving just because I have a handicap.

Challenges make people stronger
For me, a lot of learning has been accomplished during my challenge. Comparing the person I am today to me five years ago shows vast improvement. For example, I had a weaker personality back then and am much stronger today. To me, having a challenge is a blessing instead of a curse because so many good things happen as a result of it. Honestly, I shudder to think what life would be like if I hadn't gotten challenged.

Every challenge can become a blessing when given the chance to be a blessing. The challenges aren't as important as the lessons learned from them. Being the religious person that I am, I truly believe that God wanted to teach me something so he gave me a challenge. I believe these words with all my heart: "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good". When I first became handicapped I didn't consider it for my good, but as I look back over the last five years I can clearly see the blessings.

Everyone is handicapped in some way
My challenge is physical - everyone can see it, but most people's challenges aren't seen. Everyone has challenges.

• Would it be fair to the person with a challenge, who asked to do more, if they weren't even considered to fill a need because they "had too much on their plate"?
• If they ask for it, why not help them instead of overprotecting?
• It's nice to pamper a person who seems to have a hard time, but when they say, "I can do more" isn't it crazy to not let them try? 

We don't have to stop being nice or caring when a person with a challenge says, "Thank you for caring about me. Please, let me do more. Let's make this thing work." If they want to try then why not let them? God gives us challenges because he see's more in us than we see in ourselves. When we learn from our challenges we become strong. I'm reminded of what my favorite philosopher said: "Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don't go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won't laugh at you."

Help people
Let's help people improve when they ask for it.

Some Great Words of Wisdom

My favorite philosopher is Jim Rohn
Currently, I'm reading his book called Leading an Inspired Life. Chapter 7 - The Road to Financial Independence has a section called Enriching Your Life.

Here are some excerpts, that I love, from that section:

• An enriching lifestyle is a matter of awareness, values, education, and disciplined taste. It is an art that brings joy as it is practiced; it's not just a subject to be studied. It is the deliberate decision to savor and enjoy all the experiences and possibilities of life. Having an enriching lifestyle means expanding your knowledge and experience with books, people, films, and new adventures. So appreciate everything and everyone with whom you come in contact. You can begin expanding your lifestyle today.
• All good things take effort, a conscious act from a unique thought.
• The key to happiness is not more. Happiness is an art to be studied and practiced. More money will only make you more of what you already are and send you more quickly to your destination. If you're inclined to be unhappy, you will be absolutely miserable if you get a lot of money. If you are mean, you will be a terror if you get a lot of money. If you are inclined to drink, you will be a drunk when you get a lot of money. More money will only make you more. But the good news is that more money will amplify your happiness if you are inclined to be happy.
• Style is not more. Style is an art, a genius, a design. Lifestyle is reserved for those who are willing to study and practice the higher arts of life. Lifestyle is culture, music, dance, art, sculpture, literature, plays, and concerts. Lifestyle is a taste of the fine, the better, the best. The philosopher Mortimer Adler once said that if we don't go for the finer tastes, we will settle for the mediocre ones. So develop an appreciation for the finer things in life. That is a worthy purpose - developing an appetite for the unique things in life. Remember, it's not the amount, it's the quality.

Why Jim Rohn is my favorite
How can I not love this book when he says things that help me to become a greater person?! He says so many great things that if I quoted all of them I'd repeat the entire 460 page book. I'm thankful that wise people take the time to say things that enhance my life.

What Actually Matters

A Great Quote

I read a talk yesterday that made me think so much of Per. The wife of the man I read about got quoted saying, "the man they have in mind is very different from the man I know. The man I know is a kind, loving husband and father whose greatest ambition in life is to make his family happy". She said that the public saw his stern side-one who followed rules, but his family saw his soft side-one who loved.

Comparing Americans and Swedes

A long time ago I heard a comparison between Americans and Swedes, it went like this: Americans are like peaches. When you first get to know them they are soft and sweet and easy to know. But the longer you know them, some are hard as rock in the middle and you wonder if they are really your friend. Swedes are like coconuts. Swedes are hard to get to know and tough to crack. But when you get into their hearts they are soft and sweet in the middle and a friend for life. When some Swedes trust, they are very loyal.

That comparison rings so true concerning Per-a Swede. He's hard to know and often get's misjudged. (For example, when he's quiet some people think he's snooty when the truth is that he has nothing of value to say. He's not the kind of person that babbles or says something to break the silence.)

The Truth

What matters about a person is who they really are-not who people 'think' they are. 

Valentine's Day is the Perfect Day to Say, "I Love You"

I don't say "I love you" only on Valentine's Day, but since the day is dedicated to love then why not say it. Everybody loves someone, whether it's a spouse, a significant other, a child, a parent, a friend, or even God. Some people hate Valentine's Day and I think they need to step outside of themselves and make someone else's day special. Yes, the holiday has become one to capitalize on, and yes, it's not the only day to express love, but everyone benefits from kindness. No matter how people say, "I love you" the important thing is to say it.

Is That What I Sounded Like?!

Look what I found! A music CD of four songs I recorded six years ago as a Christmas gift for Bryan when he served his mission in France. The first song is sung in French. I hired the French teacher at Andrew's junior high school, for a couple of hours in the evening every day for a week, to teach me to pronounce the words correctly. Then I took my friend (who accompanied me on the piano) to a recording studio where I sang all these songs. It was a fun experience for both of us! I know that a CD is small, but it represents many hours of work as well as my love for my son. Click here for the song.

The second song is music that my friend gave me a few years ago. I sang this song numerous times as it seemed to fit the range of my voice. Click here for the song. The third and fourth songs are ones I've known for 30 years. I sang them in duets many times. They bring back many happy memories! Click here or here for the songs.

Now that MS has changed my voice and caused me to no longer sing, I hear these songs and ask, is that what I sounded like? I never liked hearing my voice but it doesn't bother me now that I don't sing. Music (singing, playing the piano) was a big part of my life. 

I still love to hear great music! I have an appreciation for it and know some things intimately. I think I'll always love to hear singing. I love instrumental music too but I love hearing voices most. 

Shortly after getting sick, I sat at the piano thinking about what a bummer it was that I could no longer sing and play. A thought in my mind reassured me that I'd be able to do it again in heaven. At that moment I knew that even though I'd no longer have those skills on earth they'd be restored to me eventually; somehow I felt okay with that. From that time forward to now I haven't/and don't feel a longing desire that can never be satisfied to sing and play-I'm not sad. Granted, I don't do things that could lead to me feeling upset and I'm okay with waiting because I know I won't have to wait forever.

Back to my CD. Isn't it a great thing to have?!

Do What You Love and Have No Regrets

We All Have to Work

I want to talk about artists. I believe an artist is anyone who does what they love. Therefore, an artist could be an accountant who loves numbers, a builder who loves building, a painter who loves painting, an electrician who loves electricity, a salesperson who loves selling, as well as an actor who loves acting, a singer who loves singing, a photographer who loves taking pictures, and the list goes on.

Art gets confused with Fine Art (which includes what is typically thought of when hearing "art"). I believe that all art is important, and that it's imperative for everyone to do what they love. People who do what they love don't have mid-life crises and change to do what they love because they are doing it. I truly think that a mid-life crisis happens because of regret, and because the person finally gets up the courage to do what they love.

Don't Waste Time

True, some people don't know what they love until later in life. They do what they do well (which includes what they love) until one day they think something like, I've been doing this for years but it's not what I love so I'm gonna stop doing that and do this instead. (They'll have to start at the beginning of doing what they love but they don't mind because it's exciting and gives them energy.)

Doing Things Just to Pay the Bills Doesn't Help You

For people who consider not doing what they love, they need to trust that when they do what they truly love they will have what they need. Others respond to things done out of love; they give freely because they feel happy. Do what you love and make someone's day, instead of forcing them to love what you don't.

People Who Do What They Love Have No Regrets

Do what you love - for your health and happiness. You won't regret it.

Believing the Truth Not Lies

I just read a great article! The most important thing I read is that people are loved no matter what they do or look like. 

• The article talks about how the world tells us to believe in lies about ourselves (like that we need to be a certain size, have a certain status, wear certain clothes, and the list goes on and on, in order to be "worthy" of acceptance and love), but that we need to believe the truth instead.

Lies

• The world tells us things to make us feel bad so that we'll buy their product or idea and feel good, it tells us things just to make us get what they're selling; it's all marketing. But the good feeling doesn't last, like an addict we want more and more.
• I bought the lies for years. Lies that made me hate and doubt myself. 
• One of the lies I believed had to do with perfection. I couldn't look into the mirror and say, "I love you" because I had flaws. I believed the lie that I had to be perfect instead of the truth that I needed to do my best. (Lie: Only 100% completion is okay. Truth: If my best is 10% not 100% then 10% completion is okay.)

Truths

• We need to only seek one person's love and acceptance. 
• I want to know the truth instead of lies. 
• I try hard. I do my best. I give my all. And if my best is less than perfect then it's okay.
• It's taken me a long time to be kind to myself, to be gentle with me, and to love myself because for a long time I thought I wasn't worthy and didn't deserve it. (Who put that idea in my mind? Who wants me to hate and who wants me to love? Why do they want it?) 

I resonate with everything in the article and think it's worth reading. To read the article click here.

According to a Talk I Heard, Stress is Good

A Talk About Stress

I heard a really interesting TED talk today by Kelly McGonigal called How to Make Stress Your Friend.

• She talked about how thoughts are manifested in the body - so if a person thinks stress is bad they have a higher risk of something bad happening. 
• She also mentioned that when a person is stressed they release a hormone called Oxytocin which she said makes you social. Apparently when a person is stressed they need human interaction - which feels to them like a hug and calms them down. 
• She said to look at stress in a positive way: for example, when the heart pounds, thinking of it as getting more oxygen to the brain, and when the body temperature is raised, thinking of it as gaining courage. 

I really liked this talk and hearing her scientific explanation about stress. To view this talk click here.

How I Felt About Stress

Many years ago, one of my children talked about stress at home-having learned about it at school. I considered my life and couldn't identify any stress-if someone asked me about my stress, I would have said that I had none.

Stresses in My Life

Before getting MS I didn't consider myself stressed but as I look back to that time here are the stresses I see: 

1. I served my family no matter how I felt.
2. I wanted to do everything perfectly.
3. I was the Young Women's President at church; and prepared to do that calling at least twice a week. 
4. I worked a full-time job in Corporate America (where I dealt with many personalities). 
5. I had my own business that I did in my spare time. 
6. I did my visiting teaching every month, and visited at least three women. 
7. I cleaned my house. 
8. I cooked every day. 

I believe people are resilient and can handle a lot of pressure. Life hands out pressure and people don't want to deal with it, but they do because they tackle what has to be done. 

After getting MS I dealt with these different stresses:

1. I didn't know what was happening to me and felt scared that I might die. 
2. I had "moments" (where I froze for 5 or 6 seconds) and my words slurred.
3. I couldn't drive for seven months. 
4. I had to quit working. 
5. I got released from being Young Women's President. 
6. My entire body, especially my hands, got weak.
7. I could no longer sing or play the piano.
8. I could no longer write. 
9. I could no longer type fast. 
10. Some people stopped caring about me face-to-face and only cared about me from a distance.
11. I learned the truth about a few things that hurt my heart.
12. My disease progressed and caused me to walk slowly, speak differently, and stop driving permanently.
13. Many more things.

The Good Side of Stress

When looking at the stresses in my life it would be sad if they encompassed the whole story, but they didn't because many blessings happen in my life, too. When I consider my stresses and blessings, the blessings win. (I'm very grateful that Heavenly Father blesses me with things that help me deal with my disease.) 

A Recommendation

The TED talk about stress made me think about many things. Consider listening to it, it's only 15 minutes long.

Another Great Poem

A Time to Talk

By Robert Frost

When a friend calls to me from the road

And slows his horse to a meaning walk,

I do not stand still and look around

On all the hills I haven't hoed,

And shout from where I am, What is it?

No, not as there is a time to talk.

I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,

Blade-end up and five feet tall,

And plod: I go up to the stone wall

For a friendly visit.

This picture by Susan Wheeler seems to fit the poem so well:

To me, there's nothing better than a friend; especially one who will stop what they're doing and talk to me. I try not to interrupt them but when I do and they give me regard, their action says volumes and makes me feel special. I love people. I consider everyone my friend - whether or not we have differences. I'm thankful to have friends who travel the journey of life with me so I'm not alone.

Choices, Choices, Choices - What Will I Choose?

Every action is a choice between indulgence and sacrifice. Will I have it now or later? If it doesn't make it better by waiting, why not have it now? But if waiting makes it better, why not wait? One of the things Per says most is, "He who waits for something good never waits too long". I love that statement and change "something good" to "the best". I want the best and am willing to wait to have it.

Per and I are planning a trip in 2015. I have a goal to lose a certain amount of weight by the time we take our trip. I get enticed to have yummy food now, but I know that if I don't have it now I'll be happy later. I want to be happy next year and not regret that I didn't stick to my goal. Therefore when I get enticed, I think of what I want and don't cave, and stay on track to get it. 2015 will come whether or not I try to reach my goal. I'm willing to sacrifice now to be happy then.

I Did It! (and it helped me)

What I Did

I cleaned the living room as best I could. I asked Andrew to do the things I couldn't including bringing up the vacuum from the basement. He wanted to help but he just needed to know what to do, and he didn't want my project to become his. I vacuumed the floor and did the things I could. The living room is clean thanks to me.

How it Helped Me

Cleaning and vacuuming felt hard but afterward I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I realized, I CAN do it and I'm glad I had the courage to try. Sometimes when I struggle I can feel other people's discomfort. Many times they have stepped in to help me, but I think they do it so they won't see me struggle. I truly believe that they want to be nice but when they do things for me that I can do for myself my faith in me disappears and I think, I can't do it. 

Thoughts About What I Did

I may be handicapped but I'm capable to do some things and want to try. I know myself well enough to say that I'll ask for help when I've tried to do something but can't do it. It might be hard to see me struggle but when I do it myself I'm stronger and believe in my ability. I know that people wonder if they need to help me and I hope they'll ask me before just doing it. When I say, "No thanks" I hope they'll let me try and step in only if the fact is that I can't.

Religiously speaking: Jesus' main teaching is that you can do it. He says, "It's never too late" and "Try". LDS missionaries serve to help people believe in themselves. They say, "You can do it" and they inspire people to know it for themselves. The only thing I can do for others is teach, encourage, and inspire; I can learn a lot from the master teacher.

I'm glad that I cleaned the living room and that no one did it for me.

Sometimes Tears are Good

Honesty sometimes causes me to feel the spirit. The Lord works miracles through me and I can feel it when I feel the spirit. I cry when I feel the spirit. Even though I wish I wouldn't cry, I think others feel the spirit too. I heard once that if I feel it then they feel it. Crying doesn't feel good to me, but feeling the spirit does.

A Great Poem

Good Timber

-by Douglas Malloch

The tree that never had to fight

For sun and sky and air and light,

But stood out in the open plain

And always got its share of rain,

Never became a forest king

But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil

To gain and farm his patch of soil,

Who never had to win his share

Of sun and sky and light and air,

Never became a manly man

But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:

The stronger wind, the stronger trees;

The further sky, the greater length;

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth,

We find the patriarchs of both.

And they hold counsel with the stars

Whose broken branches show the scars

Of many winds and much of strife.

This is the common law of life.

My friend gave this poem to me in the 80's. I have since given copies to some other friends. To me, this poem speaks of strength. People are strong and sometimes they don't recognize their strength until they have to be strong. I think of those people like a limb that bends in the wind. It might get blown pretty hard, maybe even touch the ground, but it doesn't break -- it's pretty resilient!

Does Every Cloud Have a Silver Lining?

My Challenge

It's taken me five years to get through the "this sucks" phase of dealing with life with MS. I've accepted my reality (that I have MS) because my life with MS feels more normal than my life without MS. Don't get me wrong, from time to time I still recall what I used to do, the difference is that now I realize "it is what it is" and don't get bummed.

MS threw me for a loop. My life did not go in the direction I thought it would. But here's the good thing - I didn't get defeated! I didn't let the crummy disease take over my will and my mindset and make me an eternally bitter person. My challenge caused me to think negatively for a while but not permanently. (I needed some time to figure out, "What do I do now?") Something big happened to me that turned my life upside down, and it took me a while to re-discover myself. But a bad situation also caused me to discover many good things about myself - including some things that I wouldn't acknowledge.

Thoughts on Challenges

Hard things happen to everyone. The key is that when I don't get defeated but instead learn from the hard thing, I end up knowing so much more than just knowing that I face something hard. 

How I Look at Life

I'm an optimist who would rather focus on blue sky and sunshine than on clouds. I love life, and realize that I can work on developing qualities and skills even when I have a challenge. I'm like water, if I can find a way to do it I will.

What is the Focus?

No longer do I feel like lamenting - thank you for listening to me. Now, I want to focus on the silver linings; the good that comes from facing hard things. To answer my question, does every cloud have a silver lining? Yes.

A Lovgren Christmas and New Year's Eve 2013

Christmas was really fun. Bryan and Kimbra brought some food from Ikea (including Jul Must and the Christmas ham) and we had our traditional Swedish Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. The food probably tasted extra yummy because all five of us sat around the table. Kimbra and I made Swedish Limpa Bread earlier that day, and this year Per made homemade iced chocolate (is choclad) and cola (knack) candies.

Per and I decided to spend less on each person because the best thing about Christmas isn't the gifts or the food, but the people. We watched the birth of Jesus Christ on our "Joy to the World" DVD and simultaneously listened to Amy Grant's song "Breath of Heaven" to remember the greatest gift that Jesus Christ gave us (immortality), before we opened our presents under the tree.

I bought personalized stockings for each of us and a matching tree skirt with the name "The Lovgrens" on it so that Kimbra wouldn't be the only one with her name on a stocking. We had fun opening presents, and on Christmas day scratching lottery tickets (a fun tradition) and seeing a movie (this year "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug").

Andrew, Bryan, Jade, Per, and Kimbra Lovgren

Per's Ice Chocolate

Swedish Christmas Eve Dinner 2013

More Christmas Eve Dinner

Christmas Eve Ham

Later on Christmas Eve

Fluffy's favorite spot

Bryan and Kimbra

Per

Jade

Andrew

Of course on New Year's Eve we had our traditional dinner of seafood, a baguette, grapes, and cheese (this year crawfish, crab legs, and Boursin cheese.) Andrew felt sick and slept while just Per and I ate and celebrated. After dinner we watched the second movie of The Lord of the Rings triology (The Two Towers) and Fox News showed the midnight ball drop at Times Square in New York City to signify the new year. Surprisingly, I stayed awake past midnight and we watched Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve on TV. Per and I said "Happy New Year" at midnight and we went to sleep at 1:30am.

2013 New Year's Eve Dinner
(Seafood, a Baguette, Grapes, and Cheese)

Per's crawfish and My crab

How Being Different is a Good Thing

My favorite philosopher, Jim Rohn, said, "For things to change, you've got to change". He also said, "Don't wish things were different, wish you were better". I wanted respect. I decided not to go to lunch, something that I've always done in the past, because the person I was supposed to go with made me mad. In the past, that person made me mad but I always caved afterward and did fun things with them because I wanted to be a nice person. This time I thought, No! I won't do that, they made me mad! When it came time to go to lunch I said, "I'm not going." I heard, "Are you sure?" but I didn't cave. People were shocked that I stood my ground and didn't give in. I felt bad several times but I just kept thinking, for things to change, you've got to change.

This morning, the day after the lunch thing, I felt bad. As I thought about the scenario I realized that at least they knew where I stood. I began to feel happy that I'd had a backbone and said "No!" because essentially I'd claimed my spot and said, "I won't budge." I can see how I'd get respect because I stood up for myself. I'm still a nice person and now they know that I'm not a pushover.

Six Qualities of a Good Leader

In a world of darkness a leader can shed some light on the path that leads to a good place.

1. Inspiration. A good leader inspires people to be the best they can be. They tell them what they don't know and understand that when someone assumes their role - they automatically move up (they keep growing - just because they no longer have that role doesn't mean they go backward...no, they go forward.)

2. Respect. A good leader follows rules and respects authority. They don't tell people to do things "their way." They believe in the organization and support what it says.

3. Hope. A good leader hopes that people will back up their words with action. They give people room to learn and grow and hope they will learn and grow. They never stop hoping even when people make mistakes because they know that people learn from their mistakes and become more.

4. Mercy. A good leader is merciful. They forgive people when they admit they did something wrong. They wipe the slate clean and forget about the past. They don't hold grudges and condemn people for who they are but inspire them to become more than they thought possible.

5. Example. A good leader inspires from the other person's perspective. They don't expect people to think like them - because people get stressed and think I can never be like that - but they say things that cause people to consider possibilities.

6. Action. A good leader is a regular person. They aren't perfect but are willing to do things that others aren't. They get called courageous, inspiring, and other things but it all comes down to one thing, namely that they act; that they do what others only wish. 

Some leaders are in the public's eye but for whatever reason some people think, I could never be like them. The truth is that everyone is a leader. Everyone inspires someone whether they're a parent, a spouse, a friend, or a co-worker. Everyone has the same opportunity to lift up or drag down, to see the best or see the worst, to forgive or hold a grudge.

A Reason to Love Christmas

I watched a video on YouTube called Wanted Claus and talk about taking something good and making it seem bad. Santa Claus brings goodness into people's lives. The idea of someone giving you a gift inspires hope and gratitude. There are people who don't believe in Christmas who might want Santa to seem like a bad person, though he's not. People see something twisted and might think "that's creepy" not realizing that they've been duped by someone who doesn't like Santa Claus, Christmas, or whatever.

This is a merry time of year. A time when people are more kind and call it "Christmas Cheer". Haters are gonna hate but I won't hate, I'll love. When I see something good made bad I won't automatically believe it but think about why I love the good thing.

Is the Only Constant Thing Change?

Someone told me that a software program only names things in lower case. My rant: Written rules are changing right before my eyes! The rules have existed for hundreds of years, but now (because of what I consider arrogance and ignorance) they will change - and maybe cease to exist! Some people may think that lower case looks cleaner, but who cares?! - it's not right! :End of rant. I feel like I'm swimming upstream against something that will change anyway. I won't change but language will change and in the future people will think it's how it is. No! The truth will be that language changed to what it is now, but it didn't used to be that way.

I know that the only thing constant is change and that language has evolved. It's a fact that some things aren't said now that used to be said. I guess I want to hang on to how it is now because when things change then I will become obsolete. The only thing I can do is be myself and know that how I am now won't always be how it is.

How I Had Courage Instead of Fear

My body reminded me again that it's sick. A few days ago I went to bed and every time I sat up I felt really dizzy. I thought that maybe it would stop when closing my eyes but that just made it worse. I laid in the dark and felt very woozy. For the next few days the dizziness was bearable and even forgotten in the daylight. Then recently, while sitting in my office, a wave of dizziness washed over me, followed by me feeling like I was on a roller coaster as stationary things on my desk seemed to spin, followed by me feeling really hot, followed by me feeling sick. I sat in my downstairs chair and thought about how I hadn't felt like that since initially getting sick five years ago.

I felt fine while sitting in my chair, but every time I moved the dizziness came back. Per helped me walk from my chair to the stairs so that I wouldn't fall. (I'm sure he felt worried but he put on a brave face for me.) I awoke in the middle of the night and when I sat up the dizziness hit me. I bumped into the door when walking to the bathroom (which I'm sure awoke Per) and felt sad when getting back into bed.

I laid there in the dark feeling scared. I didn't know for how long the dizziness would last - maybe a short time but maybe forever! Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt sad. After a little while of feeling terrible I thought No! I'm not gonna lay here and feel sad when I don't know what will happen. God knows my fate and I give my life to him. Think good things. I thought of my favorite story about how trials are like clouds but there is sunshine and clear sky above the clouds. I thought about good things and the sad feeling went away. 

Sad things happen to me but I won't dwell on them - it is what it is. What am I gonna do? Live my life, that's what! I refuse to give in to defeat. I'd rather have courage than fear. The sadness persists until I choose not to be sad and until I think happy things that change my attitude. (Five years ago I would have allowed the sad thoughts and bad feelings to overcome my mood.) Being sick isn't fun but - as crazy as it sounds - my trial has given me better self-esteem and correct thinking. Maybe it's a silly thing to say but I'm grateful for my trial; I'm an improved person. I step back and remember my goal (to have eternal life) and every challenge I face is worth it if it gets me closer to what I want. That night, I felt scared about having a new symptom but not for very long.

Four Differences Between Men and Women

After a couple has been married for a while, they know each other well. They seem to think like each other and know each other's tastes and interests. Even though they are alike, they both have unique differences and qualities that the other doesn't have. Their differences complete each other. It would be a shame if they became so close that they lost their uniqueness; that they became like their opposite.

I went to a class once that pointed out the differences between men and women. The class suggested seeing life from the spouse's perspective. The teacher said that each person interpreted love differently, and that the way a person said, "I Love You" didn't necessarily say it to another person. The teacher said that people usually gave others what they liked, but the most effective gift was to give what the other person liked. The message of the class said, "Consider what the other person likes and give to them what they think says I love you."

I thought about the differences between men and women and came up with this:

1. Men are like the countryside and women are like the wind.

Women talk more than men. Women explain things in 10,000 words when it takes men 5,000 words to make their point. Most women like to keep busy, too whereas most men are quiet and still. 

2. Men are like the calm before the storm and women are like the storm. 

Each thing is important - if women were the calm, there would never be the storm.

3. Men are like lakes and women are like rivers. 

A lake holds the reserve of water and doesn't give the river too much or it overflows. A river takes what it has and keeps it moving. (Like the wind and the storm, each is necessary in what they do. If a woman became a lake there wouldn't be a river!)

4. Men are direct and women are roundabout.

Men get complimented for their clothes and they say, "Thanks!" whereas women say, "Thanks! I got it on sale at Macy's". Not only do women state their bargain but they say where they got it. Women want to tell others where they got a deal, men don't.

Some partners think, it would be better if they were like me. I beg to differ - it would be better if they were like them; a person possibly thinks that because they want their life to be easier. I think that if their spouse was just like them, they wouldn't like it. Spouses might not acknowledge it, they might even think the differences drive them crazy, but I believe that in one way or another they actually like them.

Does It Really Matter?

Every year (for the past few years) I've written a letter to "my girls". The girls who were Laurels (16-17) when I was Young Women's President. I've never forgotten about them and the joy they brought into my life. They are 22 or older now. Most are married and some have kids. Whatever they are doing is great.

In my opinion, you're never too old to hear an encouraging word. It's true that when a girl leaves the YW program she is welcomed into Relief Society and watched over by them (truly, a person in my church is never alone), but the fact is that all of my girls aren't going to stay in my church. Whatever they do, I want them to know that I love them.

As much as I want my life to be perfect, it isn't. It's a fact that life makes people face hard things. (Hopefully, those hard things make them stronger, but nobody likes or wishes for them.) It's a fact also that people face good things; things that bring joy and happiness.

What I want to point out is that when I don't see the good I miss out on the good things.

Last night I told Per that every time I walk into the guest bathroom I see the Christmas decoration that's in there and my attention is drawn to the antler that is broken on one of the reindeer. There are many good things about that decoration but I look at the one flaw. He said, "I've looked at that thing many times, and an antler is broken?" Then he told me that every time he goes in that bathroom he looks at the floor that he tiled and notices the chipped tile. I said, "One of the tiles is chipped?" 

How many times do I look at the flaw instead of the masterpiece? Maybe because I'm a perfectionist I notice the flaw when I want perfection. I will always be a perfectionist who wants perfection, but I also know that flaws don't = bad. 

No one wants to acknowledge that sometimes they see flaws. But no one is perfect or positive all the time. (Some things make me mad and I'm not positive about them.) It takes choosing to see the good instead of the bad; I hope to always see the good and I strive for it, but I know that always = someday. Instead, I'll try for as long as I can to see the good.

I Respectfully Disagree

I am going to disagree with someone at some point. When that happens, all I can do is say, "I respectfully disagree". Everyone has the right to their opinion. I may not like it but I just say, "I respectfully disagree" because I like them.

Why Did I Say That?

I'll admit it - I said an unsavory word; I got influenced. (I didn't swear but in my mind I might as well have, because to me the real and the fake words are one and the same.) I ask myself, "Why walk on the line and sometimes accidentally cross into the swearing world?" Then I say to myself that I choose to walk in the middle of the lane (safely away from the line) and say other words that aren't even close to sounding like swear words.

I said that word because I couldn't think of another word to say instead. Just yesterday I used that word in my question when The Chiefs threw an interception in their end zone (they could have scored but the other team got the ball! Aaaaah!)

I don't feel like saying that word right now, so I'll think of other words to say instead; "Super", "Stupid", and "Really" come to mind. A song I repeatedly heard over 30 years ago runs through my mind:

The Words You Speak

The words you speak, the words you say,

The words you utter give you away.

Like "Please", "Thank you", and "Yes, you may", 

I can tell what you are by your words.

If you speak only what is true, 

I know that I can depend on you. 

For you are honest in all you do, 

I can tell this because of your words.  

I can tell where you've been, what you've read, 

How you think, by your words did you know? 

And what's more I can tell by the words that you speak

Where you're going to go. It's the truth, it's really so.

So little friend you must beware, 

And choose your words with the greatest care.

You'll be a champion if you dare

To speak only the very best words;

Only the very VERY BEST words.

High five-the author for writing that! I believe that words are powerful. I don't want to be misunderstood or considered something I'm not, so I'll choose my words carefully.

Changes to My Diet in 2014

In 2013 I gave up red meat; I haven't eaten beef since December 2012. I'm not going back. I will continue not to eat beef in 2014 (and probably forever). In addition, I've decided to also make these changes:

-No carbonation

-No HFCS (high fructose corn syrup)

No carbonation is obvious - no soda pop. But I didn't realize how many products besides drinks have HFCS. Here are the foods I like that need substitution:

Stove Top Stuffing - Turkey

Thomas English Muffins

Most Kellogg's cereals

Most Lifesavers candy

Kellogg's Pop-tart's

Nabisco Ritz Crackers

Nabisco Wheat Thins

Cool Whip

Yoplait Yogurt

Nabisco Oreo Pie Crust

Any Oscar Meyer Lunchables that contain bread, breading, or cornmeal

I didn't mention a lot of products that have HFCS. The most important thing will be to check the labeled ingredients before deciding to buy.

What's On My Mind?

Today, my mind is filled with poetry - thoughts said in few words. Here's what I'm thinking:

My Work

The mason chisels stone 

The sculptor works with clay

I chisel and sculpt my words

Until I find what to say

I mold and scrape and work 

My words until they are just right

My unfinished work spurs me on

Even until late at night

The Definition of an Artist

When thinking of the word “artist”

Singing, and painting come to mind.

But an artist is someone who creates,

And art is undefined.

“I’m not creative” some might say

As they submit a spreadsheet sublime.

“I beg to differ” as they make

Their work to last a long, long time.

Fine art is held by photographers,

Dancers, sculptors and the like.

But don’t count yourself out of artistry,

Just because you can’t chisel with a spike.

All

The word “all” connects 

The widow’s mite with 

The first and great command.

It also connects service

To love

And to giving with an open hand.

“Hold back nothing
And receive everything”

Is the counsel we are told

I open my heart
And give all that I have

Because I want the blessings of old

It's Never Too Late

The song "Desperado" says this, "you'd better let somebody love you before it's too late". That song runs through my head this morning as does this thought, it's never too late. At one time I thought, I'm too old - too deep into it - to change. That's not true - the truth is that I needed to have a willing heart and to trust that God would do the rest. I did - I chose and trusted, and He did - He changed me.

God is good. He is my loving Heavenly Father and He wants to help me. It felt hard to trust (because I didn't want to be tricked) but I considered His perfection and that He wouldn't fool me. I kept in mind that He knew best and that He had my best interest in mind, so I trusted Him. He put things in my path that made my life better (music albums, people, books, thoughts) and eventually He changed my life.

I didn't used to refer to God so much. I guess I refer to Him because I want to acknowledge the truth. The truth is that He cares. Even when facing something hard I see that perhaps I face it to receive strength, or to be taught. I love how He does that for me. It may be too late according to someone, but it's never too late according to God.

Let Girls Be Girls

I just watched a video saying that girls need more toys to inspire them to use their brains. It implied that from an early age girls are given toys that steer them away from engineering, mathematics, and science as only 1 in 10 girls go into those fields.

I believe this a feminist video that says, "Equality!" Girls don't need special toys to encourage them to use their brains. They can use their brains just as well with Barbies, My Little Ponies, and girl toys. There's nothing wrong with girl toys and pink. The video kind of said, "If you're a girl and not an engineer, mathematician, or scientist then you're stupid and don't use your brain."

Not all girls want to do those things, but almost all girls want to be girls. Why should girls do those things unless they want to do them? That video made me mad! Women's rights is now at the little girl level. Girls are not boys, they have gender and roles, and according to this video that's a bad thing.

Perhaps the video's maker doesn't intend to disrespect other girls; they probably just want to promote their toys to girls - and that's fine. But I think they can go about their promotion in a way that doesn't throw other girls under the bus. I'm not an engineer, a scientist, nor a mathematician but I have an analytical mind and certainly use my brain. 

Living in the Past is Fantasy

Returning home was not the same once I left; I wasn't the same person. (I'm talking about when I was 18.) I had my own life. I stopped being my mother's child to be myself. When I got married I also became my husband's wife. When I had children I became their mom.

I will always be my mom and dad's child, but I've grown up and have my own life now. I faced a dilemma the last time my mom came to visit me. I reverted to being my mom's daughter (the past) because I didn't have the courage to be myself (the present). After my mom left, my family felt confused because I didn't act like me. When they told me how they felt I faced a crossroad: Would I revert to the past? (and confuse my family) or be the current me? (and let the past be in the past). I chose the second one - to be the current me, a grown woman, a wife, and a mother.

Same with childhood friends. As a young girl, I had a best friend. She will be my friend forever, but after we grew up we got different lives. What we had was special, and I'll always remember it, but my current life is special, too. It's fun to rehash old times with her, but honestly old times are just that - old times, memories, not today.

It's not my job to make people see me as I currently am. They are responsible for themselves. All I can do is be who I am today and live my life in the present moment. 

Where's the Mercy?

Our router stopped working on Monday, which meant that everything that used the internet didn't work; in our case that meant all the computers (including my iPad), and the TV. Per called ATandT and told them what had happened. The person he spoke with said they'd send someone out on Tuesday. He told them that he worked from home and that he needed their help that day (Monday) because he couldn't do his work. He told them that we paid a lot of money every month to have the internet and expected it to work or, if it didn't, to be fixed right away. The phone technician said they'd tell him a temporary fix and asked him to turn on the router. Per said that he was an electrical engineer so he wasn't a novice. He said that there was something wrong with the router and he wasn't going to turn it on and have a potential fire hazard in his house. 

During their conversation, Per discovered that the ATandT power adapter was bad when he swapped it with another one and the router started working. He told them what he had done, and asked them if they could send a technician over to simply drop off another power adapter. He said that he needed it on Monday because early on Tuesday morning he was going on a business trip and wouldn't be home to accept their package. ATandT said a technician would be over on Monday in a couple of hours, but no one from ATandT ever came. This morning (Tuesday) FedEx delivered a box containing a new power adapter. Per is gone.

No matter how big a company is, they can help if they choose to. Their action of sending a box to be delivered on Tuesday said, "Do it my way. Fall in line and accept the way I do things." They weren't thinking about us, they thought about them and expected us to accept their method. 

I have thought about this situation, and no matter how selfish someone else is, I can choose to be merciful and forgiving. Even when dealing with a company, I choose how I am. My first inclination may be to get angry and say hurtful words, but what does that say about me? It say's that I have meanness in my character. Unfair things happen all the time, and how I react to them says something about me. I want to be loving. That means to be loving even when someone else isn't. I forgive ATandT and don't think badly about them, even if they didn't help us yesterday. I don't say this for people to be mad at ATandT but for them to look in their hearts and honestly consider how they are regarding mercy and forgiveness.

Trusting Me With Money

Per is the perfect partner for me. He is kind and loving, and goes out of his way to help me and make me comfortable. He is also strong where I'm weak and helps me to learn a better way. One of my biggest weaknesses is handling money. I tend to spend when he saves. Usually, I think that saving is boring and that spending is fun. But now I see that saving has these advantages: 1) You have money, you haven't spent it all, and you can buy the things that you really want. 2) Saving helps you to live within your means. You're realistic and don't pretend that you have more money than is a reality. It's good to be realistic about how much money you have so that you don't overspend.

It's one thing to buy things for right now, but if those things are only for me does it really matter? What matters is spending money on things that invest in building relationships; relationships that last into the next life. Being able to show something bought is relative - it depends on whether showing it right now or later. Spending money on something to be shown "later" is not a waste...it's just shown later. 

Per has been the voice of reason that has said "no" to me many times during our married life when I wanted to spend money. I appreciate that he said "no" so that at the right time he could say "yes". Also, I appreciate that he gives me control over our money (even though I'm bad at it and have wasted it several times). I've learned so many things about money that I couldn't have learned if I didn't have access to our funds. I've learned because I truly want to be better. I strive to improve. If I didn't care to improve I don't think I'd have access to our money because he wouldn't trust me. Thank you, Per, for your patience and for trusting me with our money.

Being a Saturday's Warrior

I grew up being called a "Saturday's Warrior". A Saturday's Warrior meant someone born in the last days who would "fight" against evil and (hopefully) be alive at the Savior's second coming. A musical called "Saturday's Warrior" was made and to this day I can sing all of the songs. (The musical was written as a college project and the writers never intended for it to become as popular as it became.)

I'm 45 now and my youth has come and gone. Was I a Saturday's Warrior? Yes. How? Well, the Savior hasn't come yet. I'm a "warrior" because I stand up against evil. It really doesn't matter who's alive when the Savior comes again. The real thing that matters is getting eternal life. I'm still a Saturday's Warrior because I choose the right. I have taught my children to choose the right, I hope they will teach their children to do the same thing, and on and on and on.

One thing I can share with my kids is how I remember a truly peaceful time. Back when the play was written, the writers thought times were bad - they didn't know that times would get worse. (They must have thought that times were pretty bad because they hoped for the second coming. The musical was first performed in 1973 - that's 40 years ago! If they thought things were bad then, imagine how bad they are today.)

No matter how bad things are, I always have the choice as to how to be myself. Having a morally bad world is kind of a blessing because something really bad makes it easy to choose the good. I will forever and always be a Saturday's Warrior even if I'm not alive at the second coming.

Saturday's Warrior (a song written in the 70's for the musical)

Who are these children coming down, coming down.

Like gentle rain though darken skies.

With glory trailing from their feet as they go.

And endless promise in their eyes!

Who are these young ones growing tall, growing tall.

Like silver trees against the storm.

Who will not bend with the wind or the change,

But stand to fight the world alone!

These are the few, the warriors

Saved for Saturday, to come

The last day of the world

These are they, on Saturday.

These are the strong, the warriors

Rising in their might to win

The battle raging in

The hearts of men, on Saturday.

Strangers from a realm of light

Who have forgotten all.

The memory of their former life.

The purpose of their call.

And so they must learn why they're here

And who they really are.

They must learn why they're here

And who they are!

These are the few, the warriors

Saved for Saturday, to come

The last day of the world

These are they, on Saturday.

Reassuring People

I felt inspired to say this on Sunday, February 3, 2013:

"A good leader inspires their people...from their people's perspective. They don't expect their people to think like them - because their people get stressed and think I can never be like that - but they say things that cause their people to consider possibilities."

The possibilities statement is an example of giving people true freedom. The opposite of freedom is control. Control says, "I'm in charge" and "Do what I say". Freedom says, "You're in charge" and "Do what you think is best". Freedom encourages and allows the other person to choose. Control offers no encouragement and only says, "Do what I say because only I know best." 

Control doesn't trust anyone but themselves. Freedom and trust go hand in hand because freedom trusts that the person will make a good choice. Whatever the choice is, freedom has hope that a good choice will be made. Freedom also has belief that ability is had to make a good choice.

Parents maintain control over their children. They tell them what to do when they're young because their children truly don't know what's best. I can see how power struggles exist between parents and teenage children when at some point they both think they know what's best. I think when a power struggle shows itself, it's the perfect time for parents to step back and let their children take the lead, and for parents to let their action (stepping back) say, "I believe in you and know you can do it."

Good parents don't get offended when their children want to take the lead but realize that their children are doing exactly what their parents raised them to do - make decisions (not scared to make decisions because only their parents can do that and do it right.) 

Good parents give control to their children and are there to lift them through encouraging words when they fall. Parents can greatly influence and inspire their children when they give the reins to their children and essentially say, "Here, you drive".

Everyone wants the freedom of being in charge of their own life. No one wants to be controlled, on the contrary everyone wants the reassurance that they can do it. When freedom is given, it is out of love. When a person is given freedom that love is given back through appreciation.