The Great 2013 Snow Storm in Kansas City

Kansas has crazy weather. One day it's 40 degrees and the next day it's 90. There seems to always be one storm in the winter, and it's usually ice; beautiful but very slippery. Granted, it's only February so technically there could be more bad weather, but I hope not like this. The clouds dropped 18" of snow on the ground, then a few days later another 12" of snow fell. The first snowfall broke records; the weatherman said that Kansas hadn't had that much snow for 100 years. I'm glad we had a snow blower; it saved Per's back! The 20 degree temperature made the snow less damp. But, the wind didn't help! Per came into the house several times drenched because the snow had blown into his face! (Poor guy )

Thankfully Per kept up on clearing our driveway because otherwise the snow would have been too deep for the snow blower. He cleared our driveway because we had an appointment at the bank that morning. Tragically, right after he cleared the snow, a snow plow came down our street and his plow left a mound of snow in front of our driveway; Per had to snow blow the mound so we could leave. The snow fell so quickly that by the time we left (in our 4-wheel drive car) the road didn't look like anyone had driven on it. We got stuck at the end of our street, so drove home and called the guy at the bank and said we couldn't make it.

The weatherman said the snow fell at 3" an hour. Most businesses closed before noon. Cities in Johnson County told their residents not to drive on the road because they couldn't help if they got stuck. If drivers got stuck, they could make it harder for emergency vehicles to get around them. 

Per felt stressed that day because he had a flight to Germany, but it got cancelled. (Unavoidable because the airport shut down.) Several times, the airline rerouted his flight, then later cancelled it. (Per doesn't do things at the last minute, he prepares in advance and avoids stress. But he can't control the weather!) I'm glad that Per didn't fly to Europe on Thursday because he would've followed the storm, and he might have gotten stranded somewhere else and possibly would have had to sleep at the airport! He flew to Germany the next day (Friday,) connected through SLC (wrong direction,) and thankfully made it to Europe. The next morning upon opening his curtains he saw more snow! (At least he didn't need to shovel!)

Per using his snow blower

Our deck
(the table yard stick measures snowfall)

)

The grill and smoker on our deck - in much snow
(look at the snow by the window!)

In the afternoon, our driveway, sidewalk and down the street
(Per's hard work paid off!)

Sidewalk leading to the front of the house
(That's a lot of snow!)

Our patio furniture covered in snow

Snow in Germany

Five days later, we got more snow; another foot. That time, the snow was damper and the height and weight prevented Andrew from using the snow blower. He shoveled our driveway and stairs and did a great job! The sun's warm temperature made some of the snow melt and water covered some streets. The weatherman declared that the water would be dangerous the next day when it froze overnight and became ice. Here we are today snug in our homes, and many kids are enjoying a snow day. As I look out my window I see falling snow again!

The deck - A LOT of snow!

Trees in our backyard covered in heavy snow

Patio furniture and a look at the trees

Deck railing covered in snow
(The second storm was very windy too)

Andrew shoveling heavy snow

The yard from my front door
(Andrew finished shoveling before the guys across the street
although they had three people and had started before him!)

Tree in the front yard in much snow

After shoveling. Good job, Andrew!

I Love People

My illness has caused me to relate to many people.

I relate to people who have a terminal illness because they have a disease that will never go away. The illness has dramatically changed their life and has caused them to possibly think about things that they otherwise wouldn't. People who are terminally ill need some kind of treatment to feel better, so do I. Not everyone has the same kind of illness, and not everyone has the same type of MS. People without a terminal illness can never completely understand someone who does.

I relate to older people because they move slower than they once did. Older people feel young inside, but they can no longer do what they once could. Not only can I sympathize, I can empathize. I love older people. They have rich lives that don't end just because they get old.

I relate to people who suffer hard trials because my trial is hard too - sometime I cry. Sometimes I say, "This isn't fair!" The unfairness of life is crappy; it hurts. I don't discount people's trials but hope they won't let their trials defeat them. Trials are hard to endure but they can also make people stronger.

I relate to people who are what I used to be. I used to be very private and think my world is my world and your world is yours. After getting sick, I felt very transparent. Things dramatically changed for me in a way that I thought people could see right through me. When I got sick, the real me caused me to consider myself average instead of better. I didn't go around thinking of myself as superior but I reached for perfection and considered myself above others who didn't. I remember sitting in my car at a red light, after receiving my diagnosis, and thinking, well, now I get to feel what everyone else feels. I didn't want to be average but above average. Although my disease made me like everyone else, no one was me and that made me special.

I relate to people who appear perfect because I, too, liked the appearance of perfection. When someone came over, I cleaned beforehand because I felt good knowing that I had an immaculate house. On another note, whenever someone saw me I hoped they'd realize I held nothing back in trying to look nice. My hair always looked clean and groomed. My fingernails were always clean. I always wore shoes and clothes of the latest fashion. My makeup always made me feel pretty. I would never have dreamed of going out in public without looking my best. After getting sick, I could only sit - otherwise, I got hot and wanted to cry. I felt angry that I could't do things because I wanted to do them. I felt horrified to ask anyone for help because I didn't want to appear weak - I wanted to do things myself (clean, cook, and do everything I no longer could). I walked in a very unstable way and wore shoes that stabilized me. I quit my job and no longer had the money to by myself things; shopping didn't feel good anyway because I couldn't stand very long before wanting to sit. The changes in me made me feel very insecure and exposed. I didn't want people to judge me. Although I could no longer do a lot of things, people wanted to show me their love.

I look back on the past four years and see that my outlook on life and on people has softened. All I can do is honestly acknowledge my past and hope that someone will benefit from what I say. My current feelings are that I love people. I believe that they're good; that they can do many things; that they have a lot of strength; that they have will-power; that they can accomplish great things; that they are capable of having patience; and that they're everything they wish to be but think they aren't. My greatest hope is that people will see the good and love themselves.

My Grateful Heart

I used to clean multiple rooms in one day. Now, cleaning one room takes me several days. I do a little (not very much to a well person) and have to sit down because my heart is beating and my temperature is raised; if I kept going I'd cry. Over the years I've learned to listen to my body. In the past, I've tried to do what I once could - bad idea. My attempts to do things like I once could have resulted in: 1) Me feeling frustrated; or 2) Me crying; or 3) Me quitting.

I'v learned that it doesn't take much to break a sweat (that's when I need to sit down.) I remember several instances where cleaning caused sweat to run down my nose. (At that moment I kept going until the job got finished.)

I don't mention these things hoping that people will feel sorry for me or hoping that they'll feel sad, but hoping that they'll realize that people can't always do what they once could. I guess I also say these things hoping that people will have more compassion, and that they'll be grateful for what they can do.

I'm gentle on myself now. I allow myself time to accomplish something, and don't expect myself to do it quickly. I know my capabilities. I push myself to do my best and say, "It's great that I tried." (I know that I tried my best and that's all that matters.) I tell myself, "Progression not perfection."

My disease is hard, but it has caused me to look at things in a different way. Instead of feeling angry about my trials being unair, I feel grateful for new knowledge that has improved me.

Inspiring Words

I love to hear or read something inspiring. To me, something is true no matter who said it. I love some quotes by Mother Theresa, but I'm not a Catholic. The Dalai Lama says some great things, but do I need to be a Buddhist to appreciate them? The leaders of my church say some great things too, and I love their words. Here are some wise words that I love:

~If you judge people, you have no time to love them. -Mother Theresa

~When you know better, do better. -Maya Angelou

~It's always better to look up. -Thomas S. Monson

~First you're young, then you're middle-aged, then you're wonderful -Alice Roosevelt Longworth

~Without meaning, we drift. Without goodness, we distrust. Without love, we grow cold. Lloyd Newell

~When you get, give. When you learn, teach. -Maya Angelou

~Our prime purpose in life is to help others. If you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. -Dalai Lama

~We do what we do every day, that's why excellence comes naturally. -Unknown (A sign at Per's doctor's office.)

~Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. -Psalms 110:105

Sometimes people  say great concepts that encourage and inspire me. When I apply their words to my life, it gives me a feeling of resolve. When I think about their words, it's like having a cheering section that chants "You can do it!" I appreciate people taking the time to say things that benefit my life. Here are some great concepts:

~Dieter F. Uchtdorf said that we can rise above our trials. (He's a commercial pilot by profession, so some of his stories relate to flight.) He gave an excellent talk on prayer and the blue horizon. He compared the clouds to our problems and that when we look up - perhaps the problems are all we see, but to remember there's blue sky and sunshine above the clouds.

~Jim Rohn said that our words help people see possibilities. (He was a business philosopher and motivational speaker who inspired many people.) He mentioned how when we speak, our words shed light on something people can't see. They might say, "It dawned on me". He said that what we say can help others.

Inspiring things are all around me. Books, songs, friends, plaques, and helpful phrases in my mind, encourage and inspire me. It's up to me to see the good in things. The good lifts, it reminds me to hope, and it gives me the courage to face my trials.

Living in the World but Not Being Worldly

When in high school, often I heard "Be in the world but not of the world." One high school year, my seminary had the theme "Not of the World." Then, leaders of my church often talked about standing out and being different. I remember hearing a talk about being different where the speaker used clean-cut missionaries as an example. He said that if the world became clean-cut, the missionaries would do the opposite to stand out. I grew up hearing "stand out."

I don't want to be one of the millions, I am unique - no one else is exactly like me. I'm used to being different; I've been different than other people for most of my life. For example I'm left handed, taller than most girls (and a lot of guys), Hawaiian, Mormon, A teenage mother, chronically ill, married to a foreign man, dark brown haired, brown eyed, used to moving (having moved 20 times before the age of 17), an admirer of sci-fi/fantasy films, and a person who enjoys hearing choral music and opera.

My differences could be considered weird, but they could also be considered to give me character and make me unique. I may live in this world, but I won't go anywhere or do anything not chosen. I'm not afraid to stand out - even when standing alone.

Positive Thoughts About Living in a Loving Place

Everyone who reads my blog sees first hand that sometimes I have the tendency to assume the worst instead of hope for the best. I posted my previous post to indicate that I will honestly state how I feel without being afraid of what people think; that I'm willing to say my opinion even if people stop being my friend; and that I will stand by my beliefs even if I stand alone. My intention being said, I don't want to hurt or offend anyone. I care about my friends. Yes, I have my opinion but I don't need to rub it in anyone's face.

When I hear something bad, my first inclination is to get away from it. When I heard about bullets being purchased by homeland security, my imagination went wild. I didn't want to possibly be shot. I didn't want to have a leader who I felt didn't care about me. I didn't want to live in a country that could possibly turn on its people. (We are civilized, not barbaric. We don't act like what I see happening in Syria.) 

All the thoughts of what I didn't want caused me to think about leaving my country. I thought about where I would go and considered Mexico or Central America - somewhere where the people had values like me. (They are a loving people and family oriented; though poor.) I considered why foreigners came to America and imagined taking the idea of freedom to them and lifting them out of their poverty. (I believe that foreigners don't want to leave the country they love, but they do it to have a better life.)

As I considered the idea of offering the American ideals to a people who need it, and the thought of lifting them out of their poverty, I got excited; I saw them in a different way than I ever had before; I wanted to be a part of helping people do something good. (To lift, not tear down.)

I have hope that my country will remain great, but reality tells me differently. Things are changing and I resist some changes. Nevertheless, I will say things that include hope so that people are encouraged by my writing. Lashing out isn't helpful, expressing myself in the best way is. One of my challenges is to think before I speak. I want to live in a loving place and hope that place is the United States of America. 

Living in a Loving Place

What Per said about political parties moving left (more to the liberal side) seems true. The news said the Republican Party would be abolished. My assumption is that if that's true then a new party would probably be more liberal. In twenty years maybe people will say, "I remember when the Republican Party was conservative." Per said the Democratic Party has become more liberal too in that the "blue dog democrats" (the conservative ones) haven't been re-elected and are no longer in congress - they are no longer in the party - they are nowhere. How sad that America is becoming more liberal and leaving conservatism behind. (It seems true because, in looking at my blog posts, I've said that right is wrong and wrong is right, and I wished that people would stand for their beliefs.)

President Obama will be talked about in history. I'm scared of the possibility that under his administration, America could cease to exist. I sound negative and paranoid, but if it happens I won't be negative and paranoid because I'll be right. America may cease to exist, but the 'idea' of America - life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness - will live on because many people believe in that idea. That idea gave many people around the world hope that if they came to America they had a chance of getting their dream. If America gets destroyed, so will people's hope.

If America ceases to exist, another country will exist that offers hope because there's always opposites in the world. The possibility is that America will be destroyed by hate, but a new country will arise that offers hope and love. I believe that the new country would be on the North American Continent because it is blessed - it is the promised land. Maybe it's in Mexico or somewhere in Central America. The idea of a new America gives me hope. I think of the Latin people because they are so loving and family oriented. 

I believe that Latino people came to America because of hope and the American Dream. If the ideals are brought to them, it will lift them out of poverty and they will prosper. The idea sounds exciting, I kind of wish it would happen. It makes me look at Latino people in a different light.

Per said Homeland Security bought millions of bullets. Obama said he would create a civilian army. If Obama wants to use those bullets in his army, it sounds like Obama wants to control people with fear. Before there might be civilian armies in America - and before anyone gets hurt - perhaps business owners could move their companies out of the U.S. I would want to move too. I would hope to have technology, butt not oppression. I say that if hateful people want to have the U.S., let them. I love my country and don't want to say this, but I won't live with hate and oppression, so I won't be here. I want to live in a loving place.

Focusing on the Good

Yesterday, while Per prepared food for the Superbowl, I saw a commercial for PBA (Pseudobulbar Affect.) It's a neurological disorder that occurs in some people who've had brain trauma, a stroke or who have MS, ALS, Parkinson's, or Alzheimer's. (Click here or here to read more about it.) It's a disorder that includes uncontrollable laughing and/or crying. It comes on suddenly, lasts for only a few seconds, and may happen several times a day.

When Per saw the commercial he said, "I think you have that. I think you have Pro Bowler's Association. If you told someone you had PBA, they might say I didn't know you bowled." Hahahaha - that's funny! Let me laugh about that for a while.

Yes, I have PBA and it has greatly affected my life. When I first got MS, I used to say that I had no filter. I meant that I couldn't control my emotions. For example, two years ago on the airplane a little girl started crying and it made me cry.

I used to teach children but asked to be released because when I read a touching story it made me tear up - not like touching tears but I-feel-out-of-control tears. (I imagine that older kids and adults would understand my condition, but little children would probably wonder why I'm crying and I wouldn't want to scare them.)

Today, I feel people's emotions when I look in their eyes. I laugh when I see a smile or see or hear something funny, and I cry when I see or hear the same. This disorder causes people to become anti-social because they feel embarrassed. Thank goodness I use writing to express my feelings, because if I couldn't express myself and I constantly felt embarrassed because of my disorder I'd surely feel depressed.

The fact that I have this disorder is not going to stop me from doing what I want. I'm like water. If water is dammed and a crack is in the dam, it will escape. If I get dammed, I'll find another way to get what I want. I'm not going to say, "Oh well, I got stopped. I guess I'll go back." No, nothing will stand in the way of me and my goal. I relate to this quote: "Resolve says, "I will." The man says, "I will climb this mountain. They told me it is too high, too far, too steep, too rocky and too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You will soon see me waving from the top or dead on the side from trying."

I love two things in my life; 1) my family and 2) helping people. I will continue to do what I can even though I have MS and a disorder. Knowing I have yet another set back causes me to focus on what I can do.

The Truth About Good Leaders

I've had many good leaders in my life that have truly benefited me. I read once that even a superstar needed a good leader. I don't call myself a superstar but I can see that even the person at the top needs someone to believe in and inspire them. I believe the truth that it's lonely at the top, but a good leader always inspires others - even the ones at the top. Here are some of the qualities that I think exist in a good leader:

A good leader inspires their people to be the best they can be. They tell them what they don't know and understand that when someone assumes their role - they automatically move up (they keep growing - just because they no longer have that role doesn't mean they go backward...no, they go forward.)

A good leader follows rules and respects authority. They don't tell their people to do things "their way." They believe in their organization and support what it says.

A good leader hopes their people will back up their words with action. They give their people room to learn and grow and hope they will learn and grow. They never stop hoping even when their people make mistakes because they know that people learn from their mistakes and become more.

A good leader is merciful. They forgive when their people come to them and admit they did something wrong. They wipe the slate clean and forget about the past. They don't hold grudges and condemn people for who they are but inspire them to become more than the people thought possible.

A good leader inspires their people...from their people's perspective. They don't expect their people to think like them - because their people get stressed and think I can never be like that - but they say things that cause their people to consider possibilities.

A good leader is a regular person. They aren't perfect but are willing to do things that others aren't. They get called courageous, inspiring, and other things but it all comes down to one thing, namely that they act; that they do what others only wish. 

Some leaders are in the public's eye like Oprah, Ellen, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr., The Dalai Lama, Thomas S. Monson, and others. We think I could never be like them. The truth is that everyone is a leader. Everyone inspires someone whether they're a parent, a spouse, a friend, or a co-worker. Everyone has the same opportunity to lift up or to drag down, to see the best or to see the worst, to forgive or to hold a grudge.

I've heard people say, "This world needs heroes." I believe that anyone can be a hero. A hero is based upon the choices they make and who they are. I hope that everyone will believe in themselves and become what the world needs. 

Communicating with Men

NOTE: In my previous posts, I meant no disrespect to men when I said boy instead of man. I didn't mean men are boys I just said boy. From now on I'll be more clear.

To women:

If you feel you're not being heard by your man, try giving him your thoughts and feelings in a letter. Men speak a lot less words than women. Perhaps your spoken words are filling him up to the point that his eyes look glazed over. Write down your feelings and edit them to say things clearly and concisely. Be brief and say what you want him to do.

Save your words for your girl friends. Don't be mad at him because he doesn't talk as much as you - he's a man not a woman. Men tune women out because they talk so much! A woman can tell when a man's not listening, but instead of getting mad, it's best to say what you want in written form. He's listening, but maybe he tunes you out because you go on and on and on. Perhaps he stares into space, or whatever he does that seems like he's not listening to you, because he just wants you to get to the point of saying what you want. Maybe he seems like he's not listening because he feels attacked by blame. Whatever the reason might be that it seems like you're talking to a brick wall, maybe it seems like that because he doesn't want to hear the details.

Have you ever heard someone give a speech and instead of using a written talk they use an outline? They rambled and you thought Please, get to the point! After a while you tuned them out (for your own sanity) and you didn't hear a word they said because it took them forever to say it. Does the example sound familiar?

If you're a mom to sons, perhaps the same thing is happening. Consider this: A mom tells her son what to do when he's young. But when he becomes a teenager and she tell him what to do he might think Be quiet!And tune her out. (He wants to do what he thinks not what you think. It stings a bit to know the truth, but your teaching to a teenager is best said by correcting mistakes in a non-condemning way.) Anyway, my point is that at some point a mom's son stops listening to her first - because he wants to listen to himself first. Perhaps a written letter that's concise, brief, tells your feelings, and states what you want your son to do will help.

A letter's great because: 1) He can read it when he wants; 2) He can read it more than once; 3) You get to state yourself and be heard. The next time you don't feel heard by him, try writing him a letter.

Defending My Beliefs

Recently (in the last year or so) it seems like many people and TV shows are pushing society to accept a behavior in which a lot of people don't believe. People in the media and on TV refer to this behavior as okay, and many people have change their beliefs. If I said, "That's wrong," some people would call me a name. Name calling is an intimidation and bullying tactic to get me to change my views. Those tactics won't work on me. I see them for what they are and don't feel scared. I stand firmly for my beliefs instead of changing them when I get bullied. I truly believe this, "If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything."

I will defend my beliefs. Cunning ways are employed when trying to convince me to change. I don't blindly do what I hear, but research and think about it first. Therefore, when someone says, "Believe this, not that," I don't automatically do it. A while ago, I heard a TV producer say, "The best way to get people to change their beliefs is to make them like or pity the thing they think is wrong." That seems true. 

For example, look at the show "Sister Wives." When asking most people about their views on polygamy, they'll say, "It's wrong." Then they'll watch the show (probably out of curiosity,) and over time fall in love with the wives, the husband, and the children. The next time they're asked about their views on polygamy (what they once considered wrong,) they'll think of the wives, or the husband, or the children, or all of them and soften their views. If bombarded to accept polygamy they'll eventually change. This example could be said for many shows. Bottom line: I'm not willing to watch something that challenges my beliefs, and possibly changes them. I stand up for what I believe.

I love this poem that I've heard more than once:

"Vice is a monster of so frightful mien

As to be hated remains to be seen;

Yet seen to oft, familiar with her face,

We first endure, then pity, then embrace."

I don't want to embrace anything that I consider wrong, therefore I won't keep myself in any situation that causes me to endure or pity it. I'm willing to stand for what I think is right even if I'm the only one.

Caring

Recently, I've been looking at pictures on Pinterest. This habit has caused me to feel and realize things I hadn't thought about or felt in a while. The benefits of Pinterest are: 1) Identifying the style I like - traditional; 2) Realizing that I like flowy dresses (as opposed to form fitting ones;) 3) Discovering what young girls like these days, namely owls and foxes; 4) Noticing that "shabby-chic" is a very popular style; 5) Getting the urge to redecorate my home and make it look more modern so it will be attractive to younger people when we sell it; and 6) Wanting a new wardrobe.

The biggest benefit about Pinterest is that I've started to "care" about how I look. I take the time to do the things about which I used to say, "I don't care." (I had the habit of wanting approval from others, so saying, "I don't care" caused me to break that habit. Here's the truth, I DO care.) Lately, I've taken the time to flat iron my hair, put on makeup, wear accessories, and dress in clothes that match because I feel good when I look good.

About a month ago I realized that there are different colors and textures to black clothes. I always had the opinion that black is black, but I realized that even though certain things had a black color they didn't necessarily blend.

I care about my looks, and my clothes; in a way that I've never before cared. This is goofy but I feel special when I put on makeup, do my hair, and get dressed. I take the time to care for myself now whereas before I didn't, and I think about what to wear instead of just throwing something on.

Why do I look at Pinterest? Because I like it and because it has benefited my life.

God's Communication

I've been told that there are things a person should never talk about; namely, 'income, political persuasion, and religion.' I think that's true IF a person thinks their beliefs are better than another person's. I talk about what I believe because 1) I know that people respect what I say even if they don't agree, and 2) I don't think my beliefs are better than anyone else's; everyone has the right to believe what they do. I say what I believe and know a person may disagree; I also know that at least they know my opinion.

Talking about God is a volatile subject because many people believe differently. I don't intend for anyone to change their beliefs based on what I say. I only want to say what I believe. I think that God is loving, but many people don't. They think of him as condemning, punishing, and judgmental. Some people think he doesn't exist. Some people don't care whether or not he exists - all they know is that they rely on themselves, not Him. Some people believe that anyone who believes in God is weak-minded. People are free to believe whatever they want. Here's what I believe:

God is real and He's a person. He's a perfect, glorious, being, and the kind of person I strive to one day become. He is called Heavenly Father because He's the father of my spirit. Part of me is divine, godly, and beautiful. When I think of myself as stupid, ugly, dumb, and the many other negative attributes I may say I am, I remember to tell myself the truth: that I'm smart, beautiful, divine, and can rise above those negative things. I tell myself that the negative attributes are lies that hold me down and make me not believe who I really am.

I'm in awe when I consider that God created this planet, all the things on it, this vast universe, and that He cares about me. I am so small compared to the many things He created and yet He created those things for me; for my happiness. I am His greatest creation and He wants me to be happy. He cares about me as much as (probably more than) I care about my children. The love I have in my heart for my kids is the way he feels about me. He wants me to succeed and to realize that everything I experience is for my good. 

God communicates with me in several ways. He inspires me to think something good and I take the thought and run with it. He whispers peace to my soul and comforts me when I'm sad; I've felt his presence many times and it feels like a hug and that my heart will explode with happiness. I believe He comes to me whenever I need him, like a father would go to his daughter just to say, "It'll be okay." Sometimes I feel something good when I hear a song, or read a book, or watch a movie, or talk to a friend, and know it's God talking to me through them and telling me what He wants me to know.

God is good and is in my life more than I think. He encourages me and never stops, even when I don't think about Him. He's blessed me many times in my life when I didn't do anything. I know He loves me. My earthly dad may not have been in my life but my heavenly dad is. Knowing that He loves me gives me great self-esteem when I think of who I am; when I consider the truth.

Loving People

It's easy to love people who are nice but not so easy to love people who are mean. People's imperfections hurt when they affect me. Whatever people do gives me the opportunity to be how I want to be... loving. Having the knowledge that people might hurt me gives me the freedom to choose to be loving, kind, and merciful; all the things I want God to be toward me. Loving someone stops me from judging them. I think judging is the thing people do most. Jesus told us to do one thing and one thing only...to love people; he said that by doing this we showed our love to Him. I will add another attribute to the things I want in my character; namely mercy. I want to be loving, patient, kind, and merciful. (Really, I could just say loving because it encompasses the other three attributes, but specifically, I'll say that I want to have the other three attributes too.)

I used to have more judgmental thinking, and thought people needed to be a certain way. I am not that way today, and believe that people can be who they are. Recently, I told my son that I wanted my mom to come here. He mentioned that it sounded hypocritical because the things I had said about her for the past two years didn't match that I wanted her to visit me. I see his point. I had spoken badly of my mom and had felt mad about injustices in my youth. (Now, I look at those experiences and realize they are in the past.) Every kid experiences wrongs, because no parent is perfect. I had always thought of my childhood as happy, but when I wrote my book in 2011 it caused me to consider my childhood again. I looked at my childhood with adult eyes and saw a different perspective.

I held a grudge against my mom because I wouldn't have done some of the things she did; I judged her. Not only did I not like her, but I told other people (Per, Bryan and Andrew) about my childhood injustices and they didn't like her. I caused my family to judge her based on what I said. Today, in 2013, I want to let go of the grudge I've had in my heart for two years. I called my mom, we talked, and I told her how I felt. We resolved all the bad feelings we had. I love my mom, she's a good person; she parented the best way she knew. (Forgiveness has allowed me to see good things about her.) She's not perfect and neither am I. I will try my best not to judge her, so I can love her instead.

The scenario about my mom seems to relate to the story in the Book of Mormon about the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's; that they laid down their weapons of war for peace. If I relate the story of the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's to myself, I say, "I laid down my anger toward my mom to love her instead." Jesus said, "Inasmuch as ye do it unto the least of these[,] my brethren, ye do it unto me." (Matt 25:40) I added the comma after the word "these" because I consider myself one of Jesus' brethren when I show mercy to someone. I want to show Jesus that I love him, and the way I do that is by loving people.

Using Facebook Again

I'm torn as to how to stay connected with my friends and family. On the one hand, people talk to each other on Facebook, but I don't want Facebook to determine what I do, therefore I'm willing to not use it. On the other hand, if I don't use Facebook, I won't know what's happening. People are most important to me and the thought of not talking to them is torture; therefore, I've decided to use Facebook again.

The scenario of not using Facebook reminds me of when I stopped using my iPhone for a year and started using my older phone because I didn't want to pay the data fee the phone company required me to have. At the time, I stopped using my iPhone and felt out of the loop for twelve months. (Eventually, my friends stopped texting me because I didn't text them back...because texting on that phone was hard. Also, I stopped texting my family for the same reason.)

I stopped using the current technology (my iPhone) because I didn't like something, and it made things worse. I felt so happy when I returned to my iPhone because, once again, I could communicate. (In thinking about my Facebook dilemma I realize that I may not like how things are, but I need to consider what's most important to me and not stop using it when I don't like something.)

Not Using Facebook

I think I'll stop using Facebook and give people their privacy. I don't want to know who's doing what. I realize that having an account with Facebook is keeping up with the times, but it is also taking up my time when I look at it. I'll still have a Facebook account so people will know how to reach me; but they'll have to send me an email if they want to say something. I'll also still post my blog to Facebook, I just won't go onto Facebook.

I like email. I like that if someone wants to email me...they can, and if I want to read their email...I can. In some cases, email has been replaced by Facebook messages. Facebook has also replaced sending many photos and videos through email. Facebook keeps changing and is telling more and more of peoples activities. I don't want to know what article a person looked at or what picture they're tagged in, and I don't want people to know what I do. (Since I'm going to quit using Facebook, I probably won't get a lot of news about my friends, unless they send me an email.)

I wish people used email as much as Facebook but society progresses and doesn't go backward. I'm going backward for my own sanity. I just want to be myself; not so public.

Following a Low-fat Diet

Starting in 2013 I decided not to eat red meat (beef and pork) and to take my health into my own hands. I wanted to go the natural way, not just take drugs approved by the FDA; drugs that (in my opinion) had stopped working. I wanted to do anything that helped me (that I considered morally right.) In December 2012 I bought a book by Roy Swank called The Multiple Sclerosis Diet Book. (Dr. Swank was a neurologist who studied the causes of MS beginning in the 1940's. He did a study that included over 2,000 people who ate a low-fat diet that improved their health so much that they barely had any MS related symptoms. That study lasted for 36 years but isn't mentioned by doctors because it never got FDA approved.) It's not a diet just for people with MS (even though the title says it is) but for anyone who wants to eat little fat. The book is written in a way that keeps people with MS in mind, looking up "Swank Diet" on the internet will probably be more beneficial for people without MS. I got off on a tangent from what I wanted to say. Back to my post...

I'm not sure what results I'll see when following this diet but I think I'll be healthier. My goal is not to lose weight but to feel better (but I won't argue if I lose weight!) It will probably take me an entire year to get used to this new way of eating. I'm going to have to adjust my current diet to include new recipes, and get used to eating a new way (since this is something I'll do for the rest of my life.) 

Per and I made "butter" the other day. It's called "spread" but it's really butter. (This diet says to eat hardly any animal fat and instead to eat most fat from oil.) The "butter" recipe includes buttermilk, nonfat dry milk and oil (to name a few ingredients) and looks like mayonnaise when blended. (We used vegetable oil but will also try other oils.) We used more salt than the recipe said because the mixture tasted kinda sweet (probably from the milk.) 

Last night, Per combined garlic and parsley with a bit of the spread and made garlic bread. He put a thin layer on the bottoms of the bread, and a thicker layer on the tops. It looked and smelled like garlic bread bought from the freezer section of the grocery store, but when he cooked it - the butter on top didn't completely melt. The breads looked like they had cheese on top. (I'm guessing the butter didn't melt because it wasn't completely butter.) But...it tasted great.

Per also made meatless spaghetti which tasted great too. It's gonna take a while for us to adjust to not eating beef and pork because we've gotten into the habit of eating those things a lot. It will be a challenge to find a substitute meat for the recipes we like, and a substitute for dairy products, but once we find what we like I think we won't miss the other things.

In 2008 I asked my doctor if I should follow a certain diet since I had MS. He said "no" and that no research had proved that a certain diet made MS better. I had a natural medicine book (The Prescription to Natural Healing) and looked up what it said about MS, but decided not to follow it because it seemed too radical. (It said not to eat red meat and to take a bunch of vitamins.)

In the four years since I've had MS, I've learned that doctors only recommend things approved by the FDA. When I asked my doctor if I should follow a certain diet since I had MS and he said what he did, he meant that NO RESEARCH HAD BEEN APPROVED BY THE FDA to prove that a certain diet made MS better. (My theory about doctors is that they truly want to help people. But doctors also don't want to say something for which they could get sued. It's a shame that when a doctor says something in this country and it doesn't work out - the person can sue them. I think doctors don't say the things they want to say because they don't want to get sued. It's my experience that doctors don't say things that "might" or "could" help people.)

Last year (2012) I wondered if I should follow my doctor (who tells things to do, based on a product being researched and approved by the FDA,) or follow the natural way (which tells things to do, even if a product is not approved by the FDA.) I felt that my doctor wasn't loyal to helping me do the best thing, but loyal to research and to the FDA. (Research will certainly continue, but according to researchers, I'm just someone with the MS disease, not a person. I could live my entire life without a "cure" being found, and that's not good enough for me because I'm alive; I have a life; I'm not a number.)

Many studies occur but aren't considered "proven" because they aren't approved by the FDA. I think the reason things don't get approved by the FDA is because of money. The FDA has requirements and if they aren't met, the thing (study) won't be approved. Big pharmaceutical companies can afford what the little guy can't so their drugs get approved while things that actually help people, don't get approved for many reasons. One of the reasons is that the FDA doesn't approve herbal remedies. The FDA only approves drugs (which have side affects.) If a person wants to take natural things into their body, they most likely won't be approved by the FDA.

In the late 1980's Herbalife got sued because distributors claimed their products "cured" things like cancer, heart disease, etc. Lawyers told Herbalife they couldn't use the word "cure" because although their things helped people, those people still had the diseases that might return when the people stopped taking their products. Natural health companies (like Herbalife) want to help people feel better. I believe that just because a product isn't approved by the FDA doesn't mean it's bad.

I'm getting off on a tangent again, back to the low fat diet...

Dr. Swank theorized that people with MS have a sensitivity to fat. There's no way to know who's sensitive to fat until a person gets sick, so the recommendation is for everyone to be thin and eat healthy foods so they don't get sick.

As I put the puzzle pieces together, I see that perhaps my dad also had a sensitivity to fat because he received a diagnosis for CIPD; a rare disease similar to MS. He loved food and he loved fat. (Whenever we had pork chops, he cut the fat from our (the kids) meat.) Now that I think about it, we are very similar (except for the meat :) I know I inherited some things from him, but if MS is one of them...I'll never know. All I can do is help myself. I think this diet may help me and it's something I'm willing to try.

Teach

Parents can really help their child by teaching them things they don't know, instead of assuming they know; because they don't.

The best thing a mom can do is teach her son to communicate. Boys don't naturally know how to communicate their feelings; they aren't "talkers" like girls. Girls relate, talk, and share their feelings, but boys don't; boys may learn to do those things, but they aren't natural, innate qualities. Boys grow up to be men who hold their feelings in and aren't comfortable talking about how they feel, unless they have been taught taught (usually by their moms) how to express themselves with words.

Girls watch their moms and learn how to be women. Boys watch their dads and learn how to be men. A boy and girl marry, and if the boy hasn't learned to communicate, the girl thinks she talks to a wall. The girl tries to get the boy to talk and he thinks she's a nag. The girl gets fed-up that her man won't communicate with her so she says "buh-bye." The boy wonders what happened? and what went wrong? If the girl doesn't say "buh-bye", she feels sad because she wishes he would communicate with her. (She really wishes he'd communicate and share his feelings without blaming her.) That scenario can be avoided (or at least lessened) if a boy learns to communicate.

If a parent won't talk a certain way to their daughter, they need to not talk that way to their son. Boys have feelings too, they just don't talk about them. Boys need to be treated, by their parents, as lovingly and girls. 

I see many effeminate boys these days; and less boys who are gentlemen, knights in shining armor and chivalrous. To me, boys who cry about unfairness are acting like girls. I think to myself boys don't cry, they suck it up and are brave. Life isn't fair, so why do we lie to our children and not prepare them for the future? Some people think I had to learn it and so should they. I think I'll tell my kids whatever I know. Of course kids will learn things they don't know - because they're smart, but why would I want my child to learn something I know when I could just tell them? What if they never learn it?

I can see some parents saying, "According to this post, I didn't do the best for my child because I didn't do those things and now my kid is grown." To those parents I say, "Don't be so hard on yourselves, you did the best you could with what you knew. The past is in the past and can't be changed; let it go and don't beat your self up, instead say "would shoulda coulda" and realize you would have done things differently if you'd known. Give your child the advice about boys when they ask for your help; they'll think you're wise :)."  

Why I Say the Things I do

After reading my blog posts, I realized my intentions could be misunderstood. I want to clear up any misunderstandings and tell why I say the things I do.

My intention is never to hurt anyone. I say things about kids to help parents and I say things about what I notice to help people in their lives. I notice things and say them hoping my words will help someone when they truthfully consider them. I say things about myself because I have nothing to hide.

I think everyone thinks like me, but they don't. I like to consider things and constantly strive to become an improved person. I say things about myself not because I think I'm great, but because I hope someone will learn from my mistakes.

I never intend to say mean things, but because of my honesty some of my words sound either mean or that I think I'm better than others. I love people and perhaps say things wrong. My intention is always the hope that people will consider my words.

My Goal in 2013

The year 2012 gave me many discoveries. I learned how people are; how I am; how Per is; how my kids are; how my extended family is; how my friends are; how people in my church are; and how society is.

In 2012 I had a goal to be nicer (blog post). My honesty and bluntness hurt some people in 2011 when I felt compelled to be honest; not sweep things under the rug; and say how I felt. In 2012 I wanted to hold my tongue (just realize things but not necessarily say them.)

In 2013 I want to continue to practice holding my tongue and to work on developing my character. My goal is to be patient, loving, and kind.

New Year's Eve 2012

I have fond memories of working on puzzles or playing Scrabble at Grandma's while munching on Frito's and watching Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve, donning hats that said Happy New Year and blowing plastic horns at midnight.

To me, staying awake until midnight on New Year's Eve is only fun when 1) being young; 2) attending a party; or 3) celebrating at a dance. Call me a humbug, but I go to bed before midnight and know it will be the new year when I wake. I hear fireworks at midnight, but seeing them isn't enough to tempt me to stay up.

Earlier in the evening, we have our traditional New Year's Eve dinner, including the usual: seafood; a baguette; brie cheese; and red grapes. Although messy, I enjoy it nonetheless.

New Year's Eve dinner, including the usual: seafood; a baguette; brie cheese; red grapes. 

This year we watched Young Frankenstein (hilarious movie) but still had a few hours to wait until midnight. We turned on the TV and watched a few different stations before realizing the programs showed more commercials than the actual program. Per switched the channel to a cable news station so we could see the celebration going on at Times Square in New York City. After watching that for a while (and before midnight,) I stood up and said, "Good night, I'm going to bed."

The Ritual of My Cat, Fluffy

Every morning Fluffy and I do the same thing. It is this: -She sits outside my door until I come out; -She meows at me as I walk down my stairs; -I turn around and pet her.

Sometimes I say to her "What do you want?" I wish I spoke cat so I knew what she said; if anything. I've heard that pets are keenly aware when someone's sick; maybe she sits outside my door and then meows to give me comfort. She can't be wanting human contact, because Per awakes earlier than I but when he leaves our room she doesn't meow at him.

He sits in the living room when he first gets up. She jumps up on his lap and he pets her. When I get up, Fluffy hears me stir and runs for my door. After I pet her, she runs off and does her cat thing. I'm puzzled as to why she does the same thing every morning, but one things for sure..I love my little kitty.

Fluffy, on the stairs

Life's Not Fair But I Don't Need to Focus on That Fact

Yesterday, at the movie theater, a worker discriminated against me. I think handicapped people are sometimes treated unfairly and I've experienced it several times. Some people are nice; when they see a person walking with a cane or sitting in a wheelchair, they smile at them and are helpful. But some companies don't train their employees (enough or at all) on how to treat handicapped people.

My first inclination told me to post on my blog that AMC discriminates against handicapped people. I wanted to say it because I wanted their company to change. I thought about the consequences of the situation and decided to stay out of the discrimination fight for many reasons. First and foremost, I want to say inspiring things. Life's unfair, and although justified, the discrimination situation is bigger than me and would cause me to become a negative person. I have valid points, but making them just proves I'm right. (I want to be improved not justified.)

Life is full of unfairness and it stings when it touches me. I could retaliate or work at becoming the best me possible. My perception comes down to my focus. I know that life is unfair and includes discrimination, and knowing it and yet choosing not to give it my focus makes me improved. It hurts when I experience unfairness, but when I show mercy (don't stick it to them) my character grows.

I don't automatically think mercifully, but choose mercy after thinking. I'm glad I learned to think before acting because I know I would regret my first inclination.

Traditions

One of the things we always do on Christmas Eve is eat the same Swedish dinner. Per usually salt cures a ham for three weeks then cooks it the day before Christmas Eve. For dinner, we always have cold ham (Jul skinka;) potato casserole (Jansson's frestelse;) cracker bread (Knäckebröd;) rye bread (Limpa bröd;) pickled herring (Sill;) cheese (Ost;) little wieners (Prinskorv;) meatballs (Köttbullar;) summer sausage (Köttkorv;) peas (Ärtor;) boiled sausage (Värmland's korv;) boiled whole potatoes (Potatis;) and Christmas soda (Jul must.) Truly a smörgasbord.

Per's Swedish and I'm American, therefore we compromise by having an American Thanksgiving and a Swedish Christmas. We always have turkey; mashed potatoes and gravy; stuffing; green beans; yams; cranberry sauce; rolls; and pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, but the recipes may be different. Not so, when it comes to Christmas Eve dinner - the recipes are always the same. On Christmas Eve we've eaten the same recipes for twenty years, and will most likely eat them for at least another twenty.

I like to do things the same way, so I guess you could say I'm not very adventurous. I usually order the same things at restaurants and go to the same places. I wear the same kinds of shoes and get similar hair cuts. I follow recipes and buy the same things when they need to be re-bought. I try new things (when I feel like it) and when I find something that I like I stick to it like glue.

I don't handle change very well; I'm usually the one that says, "Why do things have to change?" I love traditions, especially the ones we have at Christmastime.

Christmas Eve Table

Ham, Meatballs, Jansson's frestelse, Peas, Potatoes,
Varmland's korv, Little wieners, and Summer sausage

Per, slicing homemade Limpa bread

Cheese, Cracker bread, Herring

Does Anyone Send Christmas Cards Anymore?

As of today (December 19) we've received only five Christmas cards. Either 1) they aren't sending cards this year, 2) they've dropped us from their list, or 3) they are only sending cards electronically (but not to me.) We receive less cards every year. I enjoy reading the letters in some of the cards but now that most people use Facebook I already know their latest news. We live in an electronic world, but I still like to get cards, especially the ones that include letters and may or may not have pictures on the back. Maybe I like to get them because, to me, they say "I thought of you."

I know it takes a lot of effort to write the letters; put the pictures on the back; print them; sign the cards; stuff them; address them; lick them closed; and put a stamp on each one. (Believe me, I know! I sent my cards after realizing the time consuming process.) But giving is one of the gestures of the season. I can hear responses like, "I'm too busy - when will I find the time?" echoing in my head. I used to think of sending cards as no big deal, but it IS a big deal! It's a big deal because it takes time; and it's a big deal because each person receiving it is honored knowing they were considered.

It takes a lot of time and effort to get cards in the mail. To me, giving cards are like giving gifts - they say the same things, "I thought of you and wanted to give you this." True, the gift is in the giving, but even the person who thinks Christmas cards are no big deal will love it when they receive one.

Perhaps sending cards is a thing of the past. I hope not. Christmastime includes giving; and those who receive cards love knowing they were thought about. 

Christmas, To Me

The topic of Christmas is a volatile one for me because I don't want to be forced to give a present. When I think about that situation, I think of two things. First, I don't give things to people only at Christmastime but throughout the year. Second, being forced to give makes me mad. I'd rather give something because it's what I choose. I give gifts from my heart that say "I care about you" not "I got you something because I felt compelled." I realize Christmas doesn't just mean presents, but gift-giving is a major part of the holiday.

For some reason I equate Christmas with presents. If someone doesn't like what I give them; their displeasure is on them for not being happy with what they got - not on me for not giving what they wanted. (The fact that I gave them a gift at all meant I cared about them.)

It's okay if the main thing some people like about Christmas is getting presents. The main thing I like about Christmas is spending time with people. I can focus on what I like and give gifts to people because I care about them.

You Marry Who You Date

"You marry who you date" is good advice. Most people marry a person with whom they spend time. Therefore, if they can't see themselves marrying someone, why even date them? right? 

It's sad to see a person marry someone they didn't intend - and it happens when a person changes their standards or goals. They rationalize their behavior by saying, "I'm too in love to be without them." They sacrifice what they really want - and it ends up costing them most. I say, "have the courage to stand up for yourself and don't sacrifice your standards or goals for anyone" (no matter how cute they are or how attracted you are to them.) 

I believe a person can fall in love with the wrong someone and it spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. People fall in love with all sorts of people who are nice to them (like doctors and patients.) Just because someone is nice to them doesn't mean they love them and it usually doesn't mean they want to spend the rest of their life with them. Affairs start with innocent flirting. The problem is that one person isn't available. Perhaps the unavailable person is unhappy in their relationship so they allow themselves to be attracted to the other person. The flirting starts, they cross the line, then the trouble begins. Why would a person allow themselves to get in a situation that causes heartache?

True love makes a person feel happy. I think single people need to only date available people and ones who improve their lives.

The Evolution of Technology

I created a Pintrest account the other day. The application allows me to collect images, websites, recipes, etc. that I like and anyone who views my page can see it. I like how my likes are visible to the world because maybe someone will like something that I found and pin it to their wall...thing...or whatever it's called. Someone told me, "if you pin things you like, then I'll know your style." I thought, "why don't I just tell you?" It seems like as the world evolves, people talk to each other less. People appear to be more comfortable talking to each other through technology than in person. I envision people in the future never talking to each other and saying, "if you want to know me, look at my page."

I can see a day where the only people one talks to are those within their family. Parent's talk to their children to teach them how to speak. Siblings talk to each other and develop strong bonds from spending so much time together. Then parents give their children smart phones or computers and they talk to people through chat or social media. Children grow up and feel more comfortable talking to people through technology. Then they say, "if you want to know me, look at my page."

It seems like in the future, languages will exist but will only be spoken within the family and maybe with close friends otherwise, they'll be written. I don't have to talk to cashiers now because after they scan my items, I pay for them by swiping my card. Technology is advancing so quickly that I can't keep up with it; nor do I want to. I feel old and I'm only in my 40's. Things change (evolve) and I find myself wanting to hang on to what I know. I don't want to evolve, I want to stay the way I am, after all why fix what isn't broken?